Reclaim Your Center Before You Burn Out
The Hidden Power of Self-Awareness
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Carl Jung
Feeling Pulled in Too Many Directions?
You’re Not Alone.
You know the drill: endless meetings, critical deadlines, and a never-ending stream of emails demanding your attention. You’re juggling so much that it’s starting to feel like “circus performer” should be listed on your LinkedIn profile.
Maybe you’re nailing it on paper. Everyone thinks you’ve got it all under control—solid results, a team that looks up to you, and maybe even a family who sees you as their rock. But behind the scenes? You’re feeling maxed out and worn thin, like butter spread over too much bread.
Let’s be honest: being a leader at this level can feel like you’re constantly being asked to give more. More energy. More creativity. More time. And while you’re busy taking care of everyone and everything else, where does that leave you? Often running on empty, disconnected from your own needs, and struggling to find a moment’s peace.
And here’s the real kicker: as you focus on staying afloat, you might lose sight of what you need to thrive. That’s where self-awareness comes in. Not just as some nice-to-have leadership buzzword, but as a lifeline. A way to find your center again, to reconnect with the leader you want to be—before burnout takes you down.
Without self-awareness, it’s all too easy to get pulled into reactive patterns, to focus on solving everyone else’s problems, and to lose sight of what you need to feel centered and in control. You start abandoning your own sense of truth and outsourcing your awareness to the world around you—the world that’s always willing to tell you what to think, do, and feel.
The Truth About Self-Awareness
Self-awareness isn’t about navel-gazing or spending hours meditating on a mountaintop. It’s about survival. It’s about feeling in control when the world around you is spinning. It’s about being able to show up as the leader you want to be, not the frazzled, reactive version that surfaces when you’re maxed out.
Self-awareness is what helps you hit pause and notice what’s really going on, inside and out. It’s what gives you the power to sense your stress levels rising before you snap at someone or make a decision you’ll regret. It’s what lets you see how others are experiencing you, so you can respond with empathy and intention.
But here’s the truth: most leaders think they’re self-aware, but research shows only 10-15% of us really are. That’s because awareness isn’t something you can check off a list and move on from. It’s a lifelong practice—one that requires looking beyond the noise and the chaos and really seeing yourself, your patterns, and the impact you’re having.
The Impact of Self-Awareness on Mental Health
Research in psychology shows that self-awareness is strongly linked to mental health and overall well-being. People who score higher in self-awareness tend to have lower levels of stress and anxiety, fewer symptoms of depression, and greater resilience. This is because self-aware individuals can better recognize their own needs and take proactive steps to address them.
Self-awareness also prevents what psychologists call the “burnout trap.” Leaders who are disconnected from their internal state often miss the warning signs of exhaustion and push through stress, which can lead to burnout. By cultivating self-awareness, leaders can identify when they’re approaching their limits and take corrective action—whether that’s delegating tasks, taking a break, or seeking support.
Our Perception Changes as We Grow
As children, our perception is more expansive and attuned to the world around us. This state is known as lantern awareness—a broad, diffuse way of taking in sensory information. Imagine the gentle glow of a lantern, illuminating everything around it. Infants and young children experience the world with heightened sensitivity to all sensory inputs. Children perceive their environment as a whole without focusing on any single detail.
But as we grow older, our brains undergo a significant transformation. Cognitive development sharpens our focus, and we begin to filter out distractions so that we can direct our attention to specific tasks and goals. This shift results in what researchers call spotlight awareness—a narrow, targeted form of attention, similar to how a spotlight illuminates a particular area in a dark room. We learn to hone in on one thing at a time, which is essential for problem-solving and executing complex tasks.
While this narrowed focus is effective for deep work, it also comes with a downside: we lose the ability to see the bigger picture. We may miss subtle cues from our environment or overlook small shifts in group dynamics. This is why, as adults, we often need to relearn how to access our broader, lantern-like awareness, especially in leadership roles where understanding the nuanced dynamics of a team is critical.
Recent studies by neuroscientists have confirmed that the shift from lantern awareness to spotlight awareness is not just a cognitive change, but also an emotional one. Adults with a predominant spotlight focus tend to experience higher levels of anxiety and stress, as they become hyper-focused on specific outcomes and lose touch with a more balanced perspective. By consciously expanding our perception and re-engaging our lantern awareness, we can mitigate these effects and operate from a place of greater calm and control.
Inner Awareness and Outer Awareness: The Key to Clarity and Control
To be truly self-aware, you need to understand both what’s happening inside you and what’s happening outside. Inner awareness is what psychologists call interoception—the ability to sense your own internal states, like your stress levels, emotions, and energy. It allows you to notice when you’re stressed, overwhelmed, or out of alignment. Research has shown that individuals with higher interoceptive awareness are better at managing stress and less likely to suffer from anxiety and depression. The better you are at interoception, the better you’ll be at reacting in a way that aligns with your true self.
But it’s not just about what’s happening inside. You also need to be in tune with what’s happening around you. This is your outer awareness—your ability to pick up on how others perceive you, to read the room, and to notice the ripple effect your presence has. Leaders with strong outer awareness can navigate team dynamics and handle difficult conversations with more ease and empathy. Outer awareness is deeply connected to emotional intelligence (EQ)—the ability to understand, interpret, and influence the emotions of others. High EQ allows leaders to build better relationships, defuse conflicts, and create environments of psychological safety. All of which are critical for team engagement and productivity.
Reclaiming Your Center—One “What” Question at a Time
When it comes to expanding your self-awareness, the questions you ask yourself are crucial. Most of us are used to asking “why” when we’re reflecting on a situation or a decision. “Why did I react that way?” or “Why do I feel so frustrated right now?” While these “why” questions can be useful, they often point us toward explanations and narratives that can box us in.
Instead, try shifting to “what” questions: “What am I feeling right now?” or “What’s the deeper need or value that’s being challenged here?” By asking “what,” you open yourself up to a wider range of insights and possibilities. These questions naturally encourage you to fully explore the situation without jumping to conclusions or explanations. They help you stay curious and notice aspects of your internal and external environment that might otherwise be overlooked.
For example, instead of asking, “Why am I so stressed?” you could ask, “What are the specific triggers that are contributing to my stress today?” This subtle shift leads to a clearer understanding of the nuances in your emotional state. You can then identify actionable steps to manage your stress.
“What” questions lead to a deeper awareness of both your internal and external world by exploring your experience in a more open-ended, expansive way.
It’s Time to Reconnect and Reclaim Your Power
Self-awareness isn’t a destination—it’s a journey of ongoing discovery.
But you don’t have to do it all at once. Start with one “What” question at a time. Because when you lead with awareness, you lead with power—and that’s where real impact happens.
Consider a leader who started noticing she was feeling drained every time she interacted with a certain team member. Instead of dismissing it as just a bad day, she took a step back to reflect: “What am I experiencing in these interactions?” She realized she felt undervalued and unheard. Armed with this awareness, she had an open conversation with the team member and addressed the issue. This small shift not only improved their working relationship but also saved her from months of hidden frustration.
Coaching can be a powerful tool for developing self-awareness because it creates a structured environment for asking “what” questions. Over time, coaching helps you cultivate deeper self-awareness.